How to stop it

Shadow · #1 10-04-2007, 06:27 PM

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

Misunderstood · #2 02-07-2008, 01:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

Shadow-

They say that codependency is something that can be overcome, but I have my doubts as well. A year or so ago, I went to counseling, back before I knew that there was actually a name for what's wrong with me. After about 10 sessions, I built up the courage to tell my shrink that I wasn't getting anything out of therapy. It was only at this point that she chose to share with me that I am Codependent.

She suggested that I look into books (there's a lot out there), forums on the internet- here I am, a year later, finally trying to do just that, and perhaps continue therapy at a later date, either with her or a new counselor, or look for codependency support groups.

For me, part of my problem is that I am afraid to try to get better, because I am afraid that I will fail, and that such a failure would be devastating for me. This has been a recurrent theme of my adult life- on the one hand, I have an inflated self-image (I think I'm the smartest person I know... I think I could be great at anything that I try...), and at the same time, I have incredible low self-esteem (always overly worried about what people think about me, always looking for approval, I take a falure to mean that I AM a failure, extreme sensitivity to rejection and judgement). So, as a result, I just don't try- and that is my loophole. If I never try, then I can never fail, and if I never fail, then I can maintain my inflated self image.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone. (I'm probably saying that because it's what I really need to hear right now- funny how I can write this so simply, with the anonymity of the internet, yet the idea of telling my loved ones that this is what I need moves me to inaction)

juniemoon · #3 07-05-2008, 03:24 AM

shadow im not sure if this post is too old to respond to but i wanted to tell you about 2 books i read while in therapy for co-dependency one was "co-dendency" and "codependency no more" im sorry i cant remember the authors name it has been many many years since i struggled with co dependency but i know it is crippling and sorry to say does lead one to using mood altering drugs, alcohol and other bad habits. i am still struggling with the effects of living as a co dependent for 20 plus years. all of my married life and all of my years of raising my children. i always felt compelled to focus on fixing people and getting people out of bad situations. the trouble was i was someone who needed help and it took me a very long time to come to grips with that. i still struggle with it but now i know how to recognize when im falling off the wagon so to speak as a recovered co dependent. i have given myself tools to use to keep myself free from that behavior but the need to fix people and put everyone ahead of my own issues still is a struggle i constantly have to battle. junie

Swastik · #4 07-10-2008, 03:51 PM

It is a type of relationship addiction. I don't this much only. But i will love to know more. I will try to find out something else. If i got something i will let you know.

Booky · #5 07-15-2008, 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

We cure codependency by creating healthy boundaries.

AgentSmith · #6 07-19-2008, 07:52 PM

I can't stop trying to contact this guy. He keeps ignoring me but in the few times I get ahold of him, he claims he still cares very much. I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me about it and it's been about 2 wks of this and I'm going nuts. Can't eat, can't sleep, losing weight (can't complain about that part tho). I even started to drive to his house today (and he lives an hr away). But I turned around cuz I didn't want to waste a half a tank of gas if he wasn't there. I don't know what to do.

Booky · #7 08-07-2008, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AgentSmith

I can't stop trying to contact this guy. He keeps ignoring me but in the few times I get ahold of him, he claims he still cares very much. I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me about it and it's been about 2 wks of this and I'm going nuts. Can't eat, can't sleep, losing weight (can't complain about that part tho). I even started to drive to his house today (and he lives an hr away). But I turned around cuz I didn't want to waste a half a tank of gas if he wasn't there. I don't know what to do.

Try finding a Codependency group, or an Al-Anon group because Al-Anon deals with family members going nuts.

Professional counselors work too. A psychologist / psychiatrist, a school counselor, all Hospitals have psych wards and if you have medical insurance then they will talk to you, or your regular M.D. can give you a permit so the Insurance can cover the cost. A Hospital will do it without insurance if you tell them firmly that you have a big problem and need professional help.

When a person is out-of-control as you describe then it is a BIG problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadow

What do I do if I know I am co dependent and yet I see no way to change the situation? Are there tools out there that help one get away from the co dependent situation?

There are always ways of changing any situation.

Boundaries are the key. Link HERE.